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Craving more companionship in your daily life? You’re not alone. More than half of U.S. adults say they’re lonely.1 And that lack of social connection is hurting people’s physical, mental, and social health.
What’s the difference between loneliness and being alone?
Loneliness is a feeling — it’s the gap between the social life you want and the one you have. Feeling lonely doesn’t always mean being alone. It can happen even when you’re with others.
Isolation — being apart from others — means having few close relationships and social groups. Not everyone who’s alone or isolated feels lonely. But ongoing isolation and feelings of loneliness can both be harmful to your health.
How can I tell if I’m struggling with loneliness?
You might feel sad, disconnected, or empty. You may think you don’t fit in with other people and tend to avoid social situations. If you live alone or spend most of your time alone, you’re probably more likely to feel lonely some of the time.
Some life situations can contribute to loneliness. Maybe you left home for college or a job and found it hard to make friends like your old ones. Or maybe you work remotely and feel you can’t connect with colleagues the way you could face to face.
Men and women report about the same rate of loneliness. But mothers show higher levels of loneliness than fathers, with single parents feeling especially lonely. And young adults are 2 times more likely to be lonely than seniors.2
How loneliness can hurt your health
Long-term loneliness and isolation can increase your risk of health problems, says a report by former Surgeon General Vivek Murthy, MD.3 These include:
- Heart disease
- Stroke
- Type 2 diabetes
- Dementia4
Feeling lonely can also lead to mental health problems like depression or anxiety. Research shows adults who are often lonely have more than twice the risk of developing depression over time.5 “When we don’t feel like we can access our social support systems, that will increase all the negativity around us,” says Janice Schneider, PsyD, a clinical psychologist and adolescent psychology specialist at Southern California Permanente Medical Group in Los Angeles.
Lack of social connection has even been linked to premature death. One study said isolation carries the same health hazard as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day.6
How can I stop feeling lonely and disconnected?
So what’s the best way to cope with loneliness? Experts say improving your social connections tops the list. Here are 6 tips:
Tip 1. Nurture your relationships
Strong relationships take time and effort to grow, but they’re worth the investment for your health and well-being. Dr. Murthy recommends taking time each day to reach out to a friend, co-worker, or family member.
“Be mindful of assuming that others don’t want to hear from you,” Dr. Schneider says. “They’re probably thinking the same thing.”
Show people that you care — answer your phone when they call. Make time to see them in person. Listen and follow up on what they share. Did they tell you about a vacation they booked, a work presentation, their child’s recital? Check in soon after. Be the type of friend you want to have — authentic, supportive, and engaged, Dr. Schneider says.
This may be an area where men and women differ, research shows. Equal numbers of women and men report having at least one close friend. But women are more likely to reach out regularly to their friends — as often as once a day.7
Another way to increase connections with others is to say thank you. Even a simple text saying “Thanks!” can make someone feel seen. Plus, practicing gratitude has the added benefit of helping you build resilience. It’s a win-win for their well-being and yours.
Tip 2. Be present in the moment
When you’re with others, be present. Put down your devices and give them your full attention. Being engaged helps you listen and enjoy the moment.
Spending less time on social media can help. Studies suggest a connection between social media use and increased depression and anxiety.8 If you need a way to keep in touch with loved ones, it’s more engaging to call or video chat, says Dr. Schneider. Or meet for a Scandinavian coffee break.
Tip 3. Help people in your community
Volunteering can ease your feelings of loneliness and even improve your health by lowering your stress levels.9 Joining a group that serves others can widen your social network and help you meet people with similar interests. Volunteering also supports social connections throughout your community.
Get involved in something you’re passionate about — from charity to the arts. Mentor someone in your community who values your life experiences. Even small acts of kindness for a neighbor, friend, or stranger can help you feel less lonely.
Tip 4. Join social groups
If you feel like you have no one to talk to, group activities are a good way to meet other people who want to connect. Join a sports club or professional group, go to a community event, attend a religious service, or take a class. “Something that raises your endorphins and gives you a sense of belonging is best,” Dr. Schneider says.
You can:
- Sign up for activities at your local community or senior center
- Discover like-minded groups on Meetup
- Take a fitness class
Being around new people may feel uncomfortable at first. But remind yourself that others probably feel the same way. When you’re ready, take the first step and introduce yourself to someone.
Tip 5. Adopt a pet
If you’re not allergic, consider adopting or fostering a pet. Caring for an animal can help reduce loneliness, depression, and anxiety, Dr. Schneider says. Plus, pets offer unconditional love and the comfort of having something to come home to.
Tip 6. Get help
Some feelings and situations are too much to overcome alone. Kaiser Permanente members can explore self-care resources like digital apps10 that help with stress, depression, and sleep. There’s also text-based emotional support coaching. You could try joining a support group, or reach out to someone you trust, like a teacher.
If you need more help, contact your doctor or make an appointment with a mental health professional.
Connect with yourself
Your relationship with yourself is one of the most important you have. When you treat yourself well, it will be easier for you to connect with others.
- Make time to do things you enjoy.
- Be kind to yourself with the same compassion you would offer a good friend.
- Create a self-care routine to support your well-being.
When someone you care about is lonely
Seeing a close friend or relative struggle with loneliness can be painful. Spend time with them and encourage them to create more social connections.
If you have children, model healthy behaviors for them to learn. For example, stay in contact with old friends and socialize without your phone.