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Everyone has moments when they feel overwhelmed or aren’t acting like the best version of themselves. While stress, fear, sadness, and anger are unavoidable parts of life, you can change how you respond to these feelings to improve your mental health.
Your thoughts affect how you feel, and these emotions can influence your actions. Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) can help you reflect on your strong emotions in a healthier way. If you often worry about the future, feel anxious or angry, or have trouble sleeping, CBT may help you cope.[1]
CBT techniques are practical, self-guided exercises that help you notice unhelpful thoughts, calm physical stress responses, and reframe negative thinking patterns.
What is cognitive behavioral therapy?
Traditional talk therapy often focuses on the past. CBT gives you tools to help manage your thoughts and behaviors in real time. “Practicing CBT techniques can help you connect what you think to how you feel so you can decide what to do next,” says Lorena Roth, licensed clinical social worker and senior director of National Mental Health, Wellness, and Addiction Care for Kaiser Permanente.
“The goal is to pause when you’re having a thought that may not be helpful so you can challenge it,” Roth says. Notice how your thought makes you feel and then consciously choose how to respond instead of just reacting. Like mindfulness, CBT offers strategies to help you focus on the present. But it also helps you change the pattern of what you do next.
Making positive changes
Worries and problems are normal. “How we frame those worries and what we do about them can help us feel more resilient and confident,” Roth says. Learning CBT exercises can help motivate you to make positive changes in how you interact with loved ones, respond to challenges at work, or care for your physical and mental health.
Some mental health clinicians use CBT techniques with their patients, but you can also use them on your own for everyday challenges. You don’t need to work with a professional or have a mental health diagnosis. CBT techniques can be easy to adopt — they just take practice. If you’re a parent, you can also support your child’s mental health with CBT.
CBT techniques you can practice on your own
Here are 4 CBT techniques that Roth uses with her patients, as well as with herself and her family:
Technique 1: Progressive muscle relaxation
Methods like progressive muscle relaxation can help reduce physical signs of stress. Focus on your body by tensing and relaxing each muscle group, one at a time.
- Sit comfortably or lie down.
- Starting with one foot, squeeze your toes tightly for a few seconds while inhaling deeply through your nose.
- Release the tension as you exhale through your nose.
- Repeat with your other foot.
- Follow your muscle groups up your body and repeat — squeezing and releasing as you breathe. From bottom to top, these muscle groups include your toes, calves, thighs, glutes, stomach, back, chest, arms and hands, shoulders, neck, and face.
“This CBT technique helps you feel what’s going on in your body and be present in the moment,” Roth says. The more regularly you practice this technique, the more relaxed and calmer you’ll feel.
Progressive muscle relaxation also works for kids. The next time your child is upset and having a hard time regulating their emotions, sit with them and guide them through this exercise.
Technique 2: Box breathing
A simple breathing exercise called box breathing can help you relieve stress and get out of your head and into your body.
Repeat these steps for a few minutes, or until you feel calmer:
- Breathe in through your nose for a count of 4.
- Hold your breath in for a count of 4.
- Exhale through your nose for a count of 4.
- Hold for a count of 4.
Use box breathing to help you clear negative thoughts that are impacting your feelings. Practice this technique throughout the day — like during your commute or with a meditation. This is an effective exercise for kids, too, whether it’s before bedtime or when they’re feeling overwhelmed.
Technique 3: Reframe your perspective
“Worrying about the future is a common source of fear and anxiety. But the reality of what happens is often less scary than what we imagine,” Roth says.
When you’re feeling anxious or afraid about something, think of 3 different outcomes to help you change your perspective. Identify what’s bothering you, then imagine the worst-case scenario, best-case scenario, and most likely scenario.
Imagining possible scenarios can help you overcome your fears. For example, you may get nervous before a party. What could happen if you go?
- Worst-case scenario: People might judge you.
- Best-case scenario: You’ll have a good time, and you might even make a new friend. Research shows that people usually enjoy talking to strangers more than they expected — even if they were afraid to start a conversation.[2]
- Most likely scenario: People will most likely be focused more on themselves than on you — and you’ll have a good time with your friends.
You can take reframing a step further and come up with a detailed plan of what you would do if the worst happened. This is known as “playing the script until the end.”
Say you’re afraid of running into someone you don’t want to see. You could imagine the confrontational things they might say and how you would respond. Picturing yourself handling the worst-case scenario can help you realize you’re capable of being resilient if something bad were to happen. This can help relieve your anxiety so you can focus on the present.
Technique 4: Qualify your negative thoughts
When you notice a negative thought or feeling, remind yourself it’s temporary. This is called qualifying. People can get caught up in all-or-nothing thinking when they’re upset, Roth says.
For example, if you feel frustrated because one thing went wrong, you may feel like everything is hard. Remind yourself, “I’m having a bad time right now.” This acknowledges how you feel in the moment — and that the feeling won’t last forever.
Another qualifier is to say “yet.” If you’re struggling with a work responsibility, you can qualify your thoughts with, “I’m not good at this task yet.” Did you stumble on your words during a presentation? It’s OK — you haven’t mastered presentations yet. You can take steps to improve your skills. Be open to learning, growing, and trying new things.
This technique can be especially helpful for parents. Young children are constantly learning new things and sometimes get discouraged if they don’t catch on quickly. A child on a soccer team may not have made a goal — yet. Teaching your child to qualify their thoughts can help them build confidence to keep trying.
Practice CBT techniques regularly
“These CBT techniques seem simple, but they take practice,” Roth says. Use them often and you’ll start to see changes in how you handle situations.
The more familiar you become with the techniques, the more likely you are to use them when you’re anxious or upset.
Build resilience with emotional wellness resources
Need extra support? Digital self-care tools like mental wellness apps can help you manage stress, mood, relationships, productivity, and more.
The Headspace app offers mindfulness exercises to help you create healthy habits and navigate difficult situations. It even has a guided program of CBT techniques for anxiety and depression. Kaiser Permanente members can download Headspace at no extra cost.[3]
Regularly practicing CBT skills, whether on your own or with the support of an app, can help build emotional resilience. With these techniques, you can mindfully react to tough situations — and model calm behaviors for your family.