Learning About Abstinence

What is abstinence?

Abstinence means not having sex with a partner. Sex includes vaginal intercourse, anal intercourse, and oral sex. (Oral sex is any kind of contact between the mouth and the genitals or anus.)

Not having vaginal sex is the most effective way to avoid pregnancy. Not having any kind of sex (complete abstinence) is the most effective way to avoid a sexually transmitted infection (STI), like herpes or HIV.

Abstinence doesn't mean "never had sex." You can choose to be abstinent even if you've had sex before. Many people decide to be abstinent on and off throughout their lives, for a lot of different reasons.

Why might you choose abstinence?

You may have religious, cultural, or personal beliefs about abstinence. Or you might decide to be abstinent to:

• Avoid an unwanted pregnancy. Abstinence is 100% effective in preventing pregnancy if you practice it consistently.
• Prevent getting a sexually transmitted infection (STI). You can't get an STI if you abstain from vaginal, oral, and anal sex.
• Focus on school, work, or life goals. Some people may worry that they'll be "missing out" by not having sex. But it's okay to focus on the things that are really important to you.
• Wait until you've found the right person. It's okay to want to wait to share sex with someone special in your life.

How can you talk to your partner about abstinence?

It's a good idea to know what you want and how you feel before things get sexual with a partner. If you decide to be abstinent, talk about your reasons with your partner. It's important to be honest with each other.

Try to help your partner understand:

• What your limits are. These include situations or activities that could lead to arousal and make it hard for you to say "no." They might include things like kissing, touching, or masturbating.
• That sex isn't the only way to be close with someone. Talking, listening, sharing, holding hands, kissing, and enjoying one another's company can build trust and closeness.

How can you make abstinence work?

Many people decide to be abstinent on and off throughout their lives. This is for a lot of different reasons, such as to prevent pregnancy or to avoid sexually transmitted infections (STIs). Here are some ideas to help you be abstinent.

• Be clear with your partner about your limits with sex. Talk about what you want and how you feel.
• Remember why you chose abstinence. Think about your reasons for not having sex and why they are important to you. How you feel and what you believe matter.
• Try to avoid getting into situations where it could be hard to stay abstinent.
• Avoid using alcohol, marijuana, and other drugs. They can affect your decisions. Talk to your doctor if you need help to quit.
• Get support from someone you trust, such as a family member or your doctor. Share your decision, and talk about any challenges you're having staying abstinent. Your local Planned Parenthood clinic may have a support group where you can talk with others about abstinence.