Intimate Partner Violence Safety Instructions: Care Instructions

Overview

If you want to save this information but don't think it is safe to take it home, see if a trusted friend can keep it for you. Plan ahead. Know who you can call for help, and memorize the phone number.

Be careful online too. Your online activity may be seen by others. Do not use your personal computer or device to read about this topic. Use a safe computer, such as one at work, a friend's home, or a library.

When you are abused by a spouse or partner, you can take actions to protect yourself and your children.

You can increase your safety whether you decide to stay with your spouse or partner or you decide to leave. You may want to make a safety plan and pack a bag ahead of time. This will help you leave quickly when you decide to. Remember, you cannot change your partner's actions, but you can find help for you and your children. No one deserves to be abused.

How can you care for yourself at home?

Make a plan for your safety

• If you decide to stay with your abusive spouse or partner, you can do the following to increase your safety:
  • Decide what works best to keep you safe in an emergency.
  • Know who you can call to help you in an emergency.
  • Decide if you will call the police if you get hurt again. If you can, agree on a signal with your children or neighbor to call the police for you if you need help. You can flash lights or hang something out of a window.
  • Choose a safe place to go for a short time if you need to leave home. Memorize the address and phone number.
  • Learn escape routes out of your home in case you need to leave in a hurry. Teach your children different ways to get out of your home quickly if they need to.
  • If you can, hide or lock up things that can be used as weapons (guns, knives, hammers).
  • Learn the number of a domestic violence shelter. Talk to the people there about how they can help.
  • Find out about other community resources that can help you.
  • Take pictures of bruises or other injuries if you can. You can also take pictures of things your abuser has broken.
  • Teach your children that violence is never okay. Tell them that they do not deserve to be hurt.

Pack a bag

• Prepare a bag with things you will need if you leave suddenly. Leave it with a friend, a relative, or someone else you trust. You could include the following items in the bag:
  • A set of keys to your home and car.
  • Emergency phone numbers and addresses.
  • Money such as cash or checks. You can also ask a friend, a relative, or someone else you trust to hold money for you.
  • Copies of legal documents such as house and car titles or rent receipts, birth certificates, Social Security card, voter registration, marriage and driver's licenses, and your children's health records.
  • Personal items you would need for a few days, such as clothes, a toothbrush, toothpaste, and any medicines you or your children need.
  • A favorite toy or book for your child or children.
  • Diapers and bottles, if you have very young children.
  • Pictures that show signs of abuse and violence. You may also add pictures of your abuser.

If you leave

• If you decide to leave, you can take the following steps:
  • Go to the emergency room at a hospital if you have been hurt.
  • Think about asking the police to be with you as you leave. They can protect you as you leave your home.
  • If you decide to leave secretly, remember that activities can be tracked. Your abuser may still have access to your cell phone, email, and credit cards. It may be possible for these to be traced. Always be aware of your surroundings.
  • If this is an emergency, do not worry about gathering up anything. Just leave—your safety is most important.
  • If your abuser moves out, change the locks on the doors. If you have a security system, change the access code.