Sign out
Being a parent is a rewarding but challenging job. And every parent feels exhausted, overwhelmed, and stressed sometimes. But when those feelings build up over time, it can lead to parental burnout — and take a serious toll on your health.
Understanding what burnout looks like and finding healthy ways to manage parental stress can help you handle the many pressures of parenthood.
What is parental burnout?
The word “burnout” is used a lot. But what does it really mean? At its core, burnout is emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion caused by stress. As Dr. Karen R. Stewart, a child and teen psychiatrist at Kaiser Permanente, explains, “Chronic stress is the stage before parent burnout. And once a parent is burned out, it’s a different level of stress — there’s just nothing left to give.”
And while parental burnout is nothing new, it’s being talked about more than ever. The U.S. Surgeon General calls parental stress an urgent public health issue that needs to be addressed. In fact, 48% of parents say that most days, their stress is completely overwhelming.*
If you’re a parent who’s concerned about burnout, you’re not alone. Below, we’ll help you spot signs of burnout and give you tips on how to manage it.
Parental burnout symptoms
Every parent is unique. And parental burnout can show up differently in different people. You might think of burnout as something that affects your mental health — which is true — but it also affects your body. “I can’t think of a part of the body that parental burnout would not affect,” shares Dr. Stewart.
Physical signs and symptoms
- Exhaustion or trouble sleeping
- Headaches
- Rashes
- Stomach upset
- Getting sick more often due to a weakened immune system
Mental and emotional signs and symptoms
- Sadness
- Irritability
- Lack of motivation or focus
- Difficulty making decisions
- Feeling emotionally distant from your child
Left unchecked, chronic stress and burnout can lead to serious issues like heart disease, high blood pressure, anxiety, and depression. If symptoms start to show up, it’s important to take action before parent burnout becomes a bigger problem.
Simple ways to keep parental burnout at bay
Parents often put their own needs at the bottom of a never-ending to-do list. But consistently putting yourself last puts you at risk for burning out. Fortunately, there are simple things you can do to keep that from happening. As Dr. Stewart explains, “The best way to manage burnout is to try to prevent it.”
Prioritize self-care
When was the last time you did something just for you? Balancing a child’s needs with your own is never easy, but as Dr. Stewart tells her patients, “you can’t pour from an empty cup.”
Self-care doesn’t have to be expensive or time consuming: Read a book, even if it’s only a few pages at a time. Call a friend and catch up. Make yourself a cup of tea, set a timer for 10 minutes, and simply sit quietly and enjoy it. These small acts of kindness toward yourself can add up to a big difference in how you feel.
Eat healthy and stay active
This might sound like a no-brainer, but sometimes life gets in the way of the basics. You don’t need to cook every meal from scratch — just focus on having healthy and easy options around. For example, an apple or a handful of nuts are quick and healthy choices that don’t require any meal prep.
Try to find time to squeeze in physical activity where you can. Making time to move your body can relieve stress and help you sleep better — which can help you feel more energized throughout the day. And if you feel too tired for a full workout, just remember that even a 5-minute walk counts.
Let go of perfection
There’s no such thing as a perfect parent. And burnout can easily creep in when parents expect too much of themselves. “I like to remind my patients to give themselves grace,” says Dr. Stewart. “Sometimes your best is 40%, and sometimes it's 99%. You do the best you can.”
Comparing yourself to other parents is also a recipe for stress and burnout. Focus on what’s healthy for you and your family instead of what other people are doing. “Comparison is the killer of joy,” Dr. Stewart advises. “Ask yourself, are your kids loved? Are they fed? Are they safe? If the answer is yes, then you’re doing a great job.”
Find ways to relax
Simple things like deep breathing, listening to music, or stretching can help you quiet your mind and feel calm. Or you can try one of the many digital apps that offer mindfulness exercises, guided meditations, and more. Doing these kinds of activities — even for just a few minutes at a time — can help relieve stress, improve sleep, and give parents a chance to recharge.
Ask for help
It’s true that, as a parent, you have a lot to do. But it doesn’t all have to be done by you. Chances are, there are people in your life who want to help ease your burden — but they won’t know how unless you ask.
If you have a co-parent, take turns doing school drop offs, packing lunches, and other daily duties. Ask family and friends for help with childcare or errands, or even just lending a listening ear when you need to talk. They say that parenting takes a village — so give yourself permission to lean on yours.
When to talk to your doctor about parental burnout
Sometimes parents don’t recognize burnout until it interferes with their basic functioning. “It’s not just about whether you’re able to do everything you need to do for your kids, it’s whether you’re able to do what you need to do for yourself,” explains Dr. Stewart. “If you’re so anxious and tired that you simply can't move forward, it might be time to talk with your doctor.”
Here are some signs of parental burnout to watch for:
- Changes in daily habits — Do you find yourself showering or brushing your teeth less frequently? Losing sleep? Missing meals?
- Increased substance use — Are you using alcohol, marijuana, or other substances to try to relax or feel better?
- Relationship changes — Have you been spending less time connecting with family and friends, or noticing that they’re distancing themselves from you?
Every parent’s experience is different, but these can be signs of depression or anxiety. Your doctor can help you access mental health support if you need it. They may recommend lifestyle changes, therapy, or medication — or a combination — to help you manage your symptoms and find some relief.
Giving yourself grace and taking stress in stride
Parents can prevent normal daily pressures from becoming unmanageable by spotting signs of burnout early — and finding healthy ways to cope. Make time to take care of you. Give yourself permission not to be perfect. And ask for help when you need it — whether it’s talking to your doctor or leaning on friends and family.
If you can master these essential parenting skills, you and your family will be happier and healthier for it.